Since I have become a single father, I have struggled to know if it is OK to start dating. Even if it is OK, when is it OK? Is there protocol to follow? Simple answer is “there is no simple answer”.
Great help that!
I’ve had to find the answers myself. Even had to find the questions in which to answer!
No matter what my ex has done to me, she is still the mother of my son and there will always be a connection and a love there for her. It maybe strained (very strained to a point of questioning if it is there) some of the times but it is always going to be there. More so, we are going to be in each others lives because of our son. I think this is the most difficult part of considering dating again not only for me but for anyone I start dating.
For me, it has been a case of finding myself again after my heart being torn out and our son being used as a weapon with access denied. For others, splitting with your ex is actually just a natural step, I’ve friends who have been married for years and have just fallen out of love but are still best of friends. Every situation is different but I think the answer to “when is it OK to start dating again” is very similar.
Finding myself was the most important part, I made mistakes, yes, and I believe I started dating before I was comfortable with being by myself. I was still adjusting to being a dad, being single and getting over a breakup and I do not think I was able to give my all and true self as a result. As a result, my dates did not go overly well (in fact, I’d say that is an understatement).
I have had to rebuild a social life for both myself and more importantly, for my son (when I was able to see him) and this takes time. For some, it is a shorter amount of time, for others, it will take longer but I think this is the second thing to consider before dating, give yourself enough time and do not go looking for love.
Over the last 2 and a bit years, I have had to find myself and just be patient but now, I’m feeling I am a single Dad that is on the market! I’m in a good place, I know what I want and I know what I need to do for my son and for me… I’m a good looking chap (that is up for judgement) with some amazing friends and a good job. I should be a good catch… right?
So, by now, you must have guessed that I have started dating, somewhat still finding my feet and have not got past the dreaded first date but, I have dated. Yes, I am still fighting for my son’s right to see his Dad but I can see the end in sight, and that light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and bigger and I have decided that being happy and doing some things for me, is better for my son. The future is bright, the future is looking good for us and I am open to sharing it with someone special.
Now I am open to love though, this opens up a load of other questions, but these I feel, need to be asked for another day so be sure to follow the blog for updates, I’m sure I will have plenty of embarrassing moments on dates.
- Give yourself time
- Don’t go looking for love, let love find you
- Be comfortable with yourself and your new situation
What tips do you give as a single parent looking for love? When do you think it is OK to start dating again? Comment below, I’d love to hear your views.